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What You Lose When You Blame
Posted 2018-01-01 by Francine Baffa in Couples Therapy

The act of blaming can be incredibly attractive at times.

"I'm late because my bank teller was so slow"

"I'm unhappy because my husband is never home"

"I failed my test because my professor can't teach"

It's like having that perfect excuse in our back pocket at all times. It feels good to vent our frustration on other people or circumstances. It's way for us to temporarily deal with conflict or unpleasantness.

And while it may make us feel a bit better in the moment, we actually end up creating some dysfunctional unintended consequences for ourselves in the long run. One of the main consequences is the loss of empowerment.

Every time we blame someone else for our current state of unhappiness, we surrender our accountability to take action and make change towards our desired state. They become (in our minds) the person with all of the control - and we have none.

Ironically, this may be one of the main reasons we gravitate towards blame as much as we do. It shakes us lose from our own responsibility to change or from the reality that we are creating and/or feeding into our own dissatisfaction.